Demeaning People is Not the Flex You Think It Is

Why is it that some people in leadership positions believe that putting other people down somehow lifts them up? On some level, I get it. It can be good for the ego to feel better than someone else. That doesn’t make it right, but it’s also not uncommon. For those who suffer from low self-esteem, thinking that you’re doing better or are better than someone else can feel empowering. However, as a person in a position of power, belittling people does nothing for your relationship with them nor for your reputation within the business.

Putting others down does not make you look big, and it doesn’t necessarily make them look small. Instead, it can make you look like an idiot or a jerk. Publicly ridiculing someone makes you look bad, not them. This isn’t middle school anymore. Bullies aren’t generally admired in a workplace, and their victims tend to elicit sympathy, not revulsion. It’s the bully that looks bad, not their target. If you become known as someone who belittles people, you will develop a reputation as someone who should be avoided and excluded. Life is too short to deal with that sort of nonsense.

Secondly, it erodes the relationship between you and whoever you’re demeaning. Because, again, who would want to put up with that? They can’t depend on you, and you obviously don’t respect them. They will not want to confide in you, nor will they trust you with sensitive information. They are going to make sure that you know as little as possible about them, the project, or the company. This kind of behavior builds walls between you, which does not lead to a healthy relationship or good communication behaviors.

One department leader loved to make fun of her staff members. It made her feel powerful and popular, but the reverse was true. No one liked being around her and they only used her for her knowledge, getting out of her department as soon as they could. She had a revolving door of contacts because no one could stand to be near her for very long.

Another senior leader thought it made him appear charming to ridicule everyone except for himself. However, it generally turned others off and made him someone that people avoided if they could. His professional network dwindled because a person can only take so much. It’s one thing to joke around with close friends, it’s another to be humiliated in a public setting.

At a different organization, a senior manager believed that by having unrealistic expectations of his team, he was pushing them to greatness. But his approach – disparaging his staff members in front of other employees at all levels of the company – did not lead to great results. He also had a revolving door of employees because the environment wasn’t conducive to producing good work. It was unnecessarily stressful. He could have been supportive, but he chose to be a jerk.

Demeaning people might momentarily make you feel good about yourself, but it can cause damage to your relationships and your reputation. The next time you find yourself wanting to mock someone else, take a breath and ask yourself if it is worth the cost. For one moment of pleasure, you might be inflicting decades of pain, not only for others, but for yourself as well.